Speaking in Love Instead of Speaking Your Mind
GRACE VALENTINE
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“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)
One time, I had a co-worker I just didn’t get along with. I think both of us wanted to get along, but because of communication differences and even mutual competitiveness, we often didn’t. It got to the point where I started avoiding elevator rides with her.
Finally, one day she said something hurtful to me, and I just snapped. I rolled my eyes and said something unkind and snippy back. Although my response reflected how I felt, it was not a great thing to say and only made our conflict worse.
After two more weeks … I finally brought the situation to Jesus. Praying about it, I asked for Him to make me slow to speak and quick to listen and for my responses to be loving.
As I continued to pray about the conflict, my conversations with my co-worker improved. When I stood up for myself, I was kind and loving in doing so. My words began to reflect Jesus’ love more than just reflecting my own thoughts.
Was there still tension between me and my co-worker? Occasionally. But my responses brought peace instead of fueling the fire. Speaking in love instead of just speaking my mind added goodness to my life and to this tense relationship.
The truth is it’s unhealthy to run away and hide from conflict or tension. It’s also unhealthy to voice our every thought and speak harshly, even if it’s how we feel. Instead, let’s strive to speak in love by the power of the Holy Spirit. This means our words reflect Jesus and His love.
When we speak this way, our words are:
1. True (John 8:32).
2. Gentle (Philippians 4:5).
3. Kind (Proverbs 16:24).
4. Wise, discerning and self-controlled (Proverbs 25:28).
It is better to be kind than right. It is better to seek holiness than to seek being heard. Sometimes speaking in love means having righteous anger, being bold and standing up against injustice. But even in those moments, we can strive for prayerful discernment.
So when we have to respond to the not-so-nice co-worker, the ex-friend who now gossips about us, or our own children or family members who are being unkind, may we seek to speak in love instead of speaking our minds.
Dear Jesus, help me to be slow to speak and quick to show Your love in all my conversations. Will You remind me to speak in love by the power of Your Spirit? Let Your love be evident in all I do, including in my words. Remind me that my words have the power to hurt others … or to point people to You. Allow my words to show kindness, love, gentleness and Your goodness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
Grace Valentine’s devotional book, To the Girl Looking for More, is perfect for you or a young woman in your life. Encourage someone you know to walk with Jesus by gifting them this easy-to-follow, 90-day devotional that meets young women right where they’re at and points them to Scripture. You can purchase your copy here!
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FOR DEEPER STUDY
Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (NIV).
When was a time you spoke your mind in a way that hurt your relationships? How can we be wise with our words instead? What does it look like to be gentle in hard conversations?
We’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments.
© 2024 by Grace Valentine. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
