Love Is Patient
GARY CHAPMAN
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“Love is patient, love is kind.” 1 Corinthians 13:4a (NIV)
I recently had a chance to practice patience. After dinner, my wife asked, “Honey, do you remember that we agreed that I would pay the bills while you were traveling last month?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Well, I paid some of them, but I found this stack of unpaid bills in my closet, and some of them are now overdue.”
With a smile, I replied, “Karolyn, thank you for all the bills you paid. I’ll take care of the other ones, late fees and all.”
What earlier in our marriage would have been a catastrophic evening turned out to be pleasant. Over the years, I’ve learned how to choose patience and express it with positive words.
Most of us have far more experience with impatience than patience, yet the Scriptures indicate that “love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4a).
One of the best places to exercise patience is within a marriage. Patience is giving another person the freedom to be human. As humans, we’re all made in God’s image, but each of us is also uniquely created. We have different ideas, emotions, thoughts and perceptions. If I’m patient, I give my spouse the freedom to be different from me. If I’m impatient, I expect her to think and act like me.
Patience means caring enough to listen empathetically with a desire to understand what’s going on inside our spouse. Such listening requires time and is itself an expression of love. Patience might mean remaining calm when their words are hurtful. Patience says, “I care enough that no matter what you say or how you say it, I’ll listen and try to understand.”
Every time we’re frustrated, we can lash out with hurtful words, or we can ask questions, listen, seek to empathize, and then choose to speak words that bring healing.
Here are four practical steps that have helped me grow in patience — and maybe they will help you too:
1. Apologize when you realize that you’ve been impatient. When you acknowledge what you did and ask forgiveness, you’re less likely to be impatient next time.
2. Find a method to break negative patterns of impatience. This may mean counting to 100 and taking a walk around the block when you first realize you’re about to say something out of impatience.
3. Replace impatient behavior with patient behavior. Learn to speak in a soft voice rather than loudly giving full vent to your emotions (Proverbs 15:1), or write your thoughts and feelings rather than speaking them.
4. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Patience emphasizes loving solutions.
God is extremely patient with us. Romans 5:5 says, “God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (NIV). When we open our hearts to the love of God, we grow in learning patience with our spouse and others.
Heavenly Father, help me to be more aware of my impatience with my spouse and others. I’m grateful for Your patience with me. Help me to exercise that same patience. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
Marriages never stand still. They are either growing or regressing. For more practical insights on how to improve your marriage, grab a copy of Gary Chapman and John Hinkley’s book, A Simple Guide for a Better Marriage: Quick, Practical Insights Every Couple Needs to Thrive.
ENGAGE
For more simple ways to strengthen relationships, visit 5lovelanguages.com and take the free Love Language™ Quiz to discover how you give and receive love.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Ephesians 4:1-2, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (NIV).
Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (NIV).
What is the connection between patience, humility and gentleness? In what ways were these attributes present in the earthly life of Jesus? How can you express them in your marriage or other relationships this week? Share with us in the comments!
© 2025 by Gary Chapman. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
