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August 23, 2017 |
“O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.” Psalm 139:1-3 (NKJV)
Though winter had only begun to put its hardened, white-knuckle clutch on the earth outside my door, December was already entrapping me. I was weeks away from delivering a baby and instead of baking cookies and spreading Yuletide cheer, I was on the phone with refrigerator repairmen and plumbers.
Eight appliances in two weeks — all broken. Even my bathroom toilet.
As I spoke with one of the multiple service people who visited our house that week, I was wearing one of the two clean shirts I had left which covered my pregnant belly. All of life seemed to be falling out of the edges.
Days later I was on bed rest, mulling over the less-than-ideal “inn” my home and heart was for this baby. In the midst, I’d made dozens of phone calls to remedy this mess and barely had the energy to text a friend to ask for help or a prayer.
As I considered it all, I sunk.
Thoughts like I’m too old and tired to raise this baby well, and no one could possibly understand the weight of responsibility I carry for all of these children raced, unfettered, through my bed-rested hours.
We have four children whom we’d adopted — four hearts under our roof getting mended — and this baby I carried was our second of two surprise biological babies that came shortly thereafter. That’s six children, total. After nearly a decade of sitting in the waiting room of infertility clinics and living as just the two of us, we blinked and quickly grew into a family of eight in a few short years.
No one could possibly understand the unique weight I carry, was where my mind went. No one sees all that I walk through in a day. My thoughts roiled while my body fought to rest.
Except these thoughts weren’t new. These exact phrases had echoed through the corridors of my mind before.
I was 28 and barren and measuring my friends’ bellies with toilet paper at baby showers thinking … no one could possibly understand my pain.
I was 32 and shuffling my feet over the newly-turned earth that held my dad’s casket saying to myself … no one sees the extent of this loss.
I was 35 with four children who created piles of laundry and dishes and moved from one stack of toys to another, thinking … no one knows what these eight undocumented hours feel like.
Apparently this feeling of “being unseen” wasn’t new to me.
Yet something inside me told me I was made to be seen.
It was His Word.
“O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways” (Psalm 139:1-3).
He sees.
At 25 and overlooked for the promotion you’ve been working toward for two years.
He sees your hard work when your boss doesn’t.
At 30 and still single.
God sees the inner-workings of your heart — and enjoys them — when Friday night doesn’t mean date night.
You’re caring for a sick parent or child or a friend from church. Four doctor’s appointments in one week.
He sees your outpouring.
Even your best friends might not know the anniversary of your mom’s death or the hours you spent holding your frightened child in the dark or how you fight for your marriage in secret prayer.
But He does.
And His eyes — those tender eyes that do not miss one single movement of your heart, one single glance back at Him … those eyes that study you — they change everything.
Dear God, open my eyes to see You, seeing me. When I feel unnoticed and under-acknowledged, open me up to receive You and how You see me, right here. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Psalm 139:7-8, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.” (NKJV)
Matthew 6:4b, “And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (ESV)
RELATED RESOURCES:
In Unseen: The Gift of Being Hidden in a World That Loves to Be Noticed, Sara Hagerty suggests that the hidden moments are the holy moments. God is the only One who truly knows us. He is the only One who understands the value of the unseen in our lives.
Does anyone notice our daily lives? Watch this short film to catch a glimpse of how God sees you in the midst of your most unseen hours.
CONNECT:
Enter to WIN a copy of Unseen by Sara Hagerty. In celebration of this book, Zondervan is giving away 5 copies! Enter to win by leaving a comment here. {We'll randomly select 5 winners and email notifications to each one, by Monday, August 28, 2017.}
REFLECT AND RESPOND:
During which pocket of your day do you feel most unseen and unwitnessed? Today, pause during that specific part of your day and invite God, through Psalm 139, to show you His perspective on that moment.
© 2017 by Sara Hagerty. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries thanks Zondervan, division of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, for their sponsorship of today's devotion.
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