The Healing Power of Curiosity
By Jennifer Slattery
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19, NIV
Looking back over my parenting, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t practice today’s verse more consistently. I spent way too much time talking and teaching, and often from a place of frustration, rather than pausing to listen with a desire to truly understand and hear my daughter’s heart. In a recent conversation, she shared an instance when my quick and faulty assumptions brought her pain. She’d recently received an eight-month coop position, which was like an internship, and was living in another state. This meant she was separated from her friends and faith community. She was also pursuing an engineering degree, and therefore, engaged in strenuous coursework. Plus, the company she interned with gave her, at age 19, responsibilities and leadership roles most people don’t receive until their mid-twenties or later.
In other words, she was buried by numerous and compounding challenges. That fall, I attended a leadership summit hosted by my church. Inspired by one of their speakers, I purchased her book, devoured it, and decided my daughter should read it, too. When she declined my invitation, I became irritated and assumed she simply didn’t want to put in the effort. It grieves me to say this, but in my frustration, I called her entitled. I spoke hurt into her already struggling heart.
Had I approached her from a place of curiosity rather than judgment, I could’ve offered her the emotional support she needed. I also would’ve realized that she’d already been living the book’s message as best as she was able.
Sadly, my being quick to speak, quit to become irritated, and slow to listen hurt her and hindered true and open communication.
I wonder if James, Jesus’ half-brother and the author of the letter from which today’s verse comes, carried similar regrets. We know from the gospels that he often responded to the Lord with disdain. Prior to Jesus’ resurrection, did James ever truly hear Christ’s words or had he already decided to close his ears to the Lord’s message? Scripture doesn’t tell us how much truth, if any, sank into James’ soul prior to Jesus’ crucifixion. However, the Bible does reveal James’s dramatic transformation after the Lord’s resurrection.
He came to not only accept Christ’s message but also to live it out, and in his letter to Jewish believers scattered throughout Rome, he urged them to do the same. In short, he was calling the men and women he led to more consistently love God and others. Whereas selfishness and pride motivates unfiltered, and often hurtful words, the love of Jesus, first received then given, evokes a curiosity and desire to understand.
“Everyone should be quick to listen,” he wrote, indicating an automatic response. For most of us, such behavior doesn’t come naturally. We tend to interact from a place of distraction, defensiveness, or judgment. Often, we’re more focused on how we want to respond than on the heart behind another person’s words. At least, this is what characterizes us prior to our conversion.
Praise God, our faith in Christ transforms us into new creations, empowered and led by the Holy Spirit that resides within us. This means we can learn, through practice and an ever-deepening relationship with and reliance upon Him, to love others with the same gentleness and mercy our Savior bestows upon us.
James also encouraged us to slow our tongues. Such advice stands contrary to our social media culture and its constant pull to “use our voice.” My pride tells me I have the answers others need or the wisdom they lack, and I therefore must be the one to dispense such knowledge. But reality says that God has numerous ways to speak to peoples’ souls and that He’s big enough to do so. That doesn’t mean He’ll never call me to share truth, but today’s verse does encourage me to take time to seek God’s will before I do so.
In times of relational conflict, I also need to invite Him to search and cleanse my heart, addressing my anger with Him. I need His perspective on it, and when necessary, His healing for whatever’s driving it so that I’m speaking from a place of love rather than malice. I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:3-5 where He told us to first remove the plank in our eyes, those things that distort our vision, so that we can see clearly to remove the sawdust in someone else’s eye.
Intersecting Life & Faith:
Human anger, meaning anger that isn’t driven by a godly desire to protect others or pursue justice, is a huge vision distorter and “doesn’t produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:20). When we remain connected with the Holy Spirit and relationally focused on whoever we’re talking to, however, we become beautiful reflections of Jesus and, often, life-giving conduits of His love. May that always be our driving goal, and in our pursuit of it, may we also remember that love is patient, gentle, humble, and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4).
Further Reading:
Ephesians 5:15-17
Isaiah 30:21
Acts 1:8
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/monkeybusinessimages
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
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