The Example of Christ in Our Marriage
By Laura Bailey
“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” - 1 Peter 2: 21-23 NIV
Arguments between spouses tend to be the worst kind of dispute. Jokes become jabs, slight criticisms morph into full-blown critiques, tempers escalate, and tongues go untamed. In the heat of the moment, it’s really hard to turn the other cheek and maintain our cool, pausing before we speak to ensure we don’t say something we will later regret.
Relationships, even among God’s children, are messy, and often, the more intimate the bond, the more likely we experience strife and discord. Peter understood that relationships are easily strained, especially marital relationships. Hence why he spent time encouraging and outlining how to live a godly life in our marriages, in the church, and among the world to the dispersed Christians he addressed in 1 Peter.
Peter gives specific directions for wives to subject themselves to their husband's leadership. And husbands to show honor to their wives (1 Peter 3:1-7). All to utilize our marital relationships as a reflection of how Christ loves broken people. So what does this look like when we are in a heated conversation with our husband or wife? He reminds them to have a marriage that honors the Lord; we should follow Christ’s example ( 1 Peter 2:21-23).
How do we follow the example of Christ in our marriages and other relationships?
- We don’t retaliate
- We leave judgment to God.
- We acknowledge the sin in our lives, ask for forgiveness, and grant grace and mercy to others.
In theory, this seems pretty straightforward, but if you've been married for more than five minutes, you can agree this is easier said than done.
Sometimes, when we're hurting, we can quickly desire vengeance, bang our gavel, pronounce our offender guilty, and dole out consequences, or enact the cold shoulder. We forget to recognize how we have fallen short, been careless with our words, and been the cause of harm and hurt to others.
Yes, we need to pray that God would work on the hearts and minds of our spouses. It's never wrong to ask the Lord to change another person's life. (That is one reason why spouses are such a gift to one another). But it is rebellion against God for us to ignore the ways we fail God and others.
When we think about the example Christ set for us, He was the Savior of the world, God’s son, yet He humbled himself and was obedient to the will of His Father. He didn’t suffer on behalf of people who deserved saving but sinners! Most of whom actively rejected Him as the Messiah. Still, as they hurled insults, persecuted him, and ultimately crucified Him in His last moments, He asked the Lord to forgive them!
On our own, it would be impossible to demonstrate Christ’s example! But through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can choose to respond in a Christ-like way.
- We can choose silence instead of reciprocating when we’ve been hurt.
- We can forgive and work to reconcile when we’ve been wronged.
- We can pray for our spouses instead of verbally attacking them when we're in an argument.
- We can acknowledge our mistakes, openly admitting where we’ve fallen short.
Find comfort that God forgives us even when we fail to honor one another, are quick to speak and slow to listen, or judge others unfairly. We can humbly surrender our shortcomings, confess our sins, and He will provide forgiveness. He is longsuffering, His grace abundant, and mercy never-ending.
Marriage conflicts are inevitable, discussions are necessary, and differing opinions are unavoidable. But, next time, let us keep in mind 1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Intersecting Faith and Life:
Think about the last time your spouse and you disagreed. Keeping in mind the example of Christ, would you respond differently in the future? Pray for your spouse daily, and ask God to help you see them through His eyes.
For Further Reading:
How to Fight Clean in Marriage
Prayers for Marriage
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/LElik83
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