Repairing the Brokenness of Our Relationships
By Aaron D’Anthony Brown
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)
Life Is Hard, and We Are Hardened
Life is hard, childhood innocence is real, and ignorance is indeed bliss. As adults, we cherish the moments when we get to observe our children playing without a care in the world. They aren’t burdened by the difficulties of life. Their relationships are easier, more forgiving, honest, and friendly. But once children reach a certain age and gain enough experience, they become like us. Rigid. Skeptical. Adults with hardened hearts due to life’s unfortunate experiences.
There’s a brokenness that pervades adult relationships with parents, children, beloveds, friends, and everyone. We are sinners, who then, sin. We cause problems for ourselves and others, and thus, for our relationships. We are broken and therefore our relationships are broken too.
Unfortunately, today, many of us have lost the willingness and the ability to fix this brokenness. Rather than making amends, we run from the discomfort and simply avoid the other person altogether. When asked a direct question, we lie or deceive in order to not cause offense. We view relationships as a means of getting, and less of giving.
Despite this innate brokenness, God has given us resources to help mitigate the impact of our sinful nature. Jesus provides the sacrifice for our sins and an example to live by. Scripture gives us the lessons. The church provides teaching and accountability. In addition to these, what specific and practical things can we do for ourselves in repairing the brokenness of our relationships?
Intersecting Faith and Life:
As the adage goes, it takes two to tango. Broken relationships aren’t going to fix themselves. We need God and we need one another to make any relationship work. However, we don’t need the other person to change in order to work on ourselves.Here are some steps we can take individually in an effort to repair the brokenness of our relationships.
Be Open
There are several ways we ought to be open within our relationships. Be open to being wrong. Be open to being corrected. Be open to someone else seeking to make amends. We should even be open to conversation with someone we pinged for being uninteresting or unlike us. Without openness, there’s no way to establish a relationship in the first place, and no way to keep one going. Now, openness should be measured. We don’t want to be open to everything or everyone. However, we don’t want to be too closed off either. Seek wisdom as a guide.
Dive Deeper
Christians display faith in communication when we dive deeper. That means communicating proactively and communicating honestly. Don’t ask someone how they’re doing if all you want is to hear “good,” and not the truth. And don’t make conversations solely or even mostly about yourself. Scripture admonishes us to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). We should all determine how well we embody that.
Seek Reconciliation
Making amends when we have wronged someone or been wronged can be very uncomfortable, scary, and awkward. Yet, those feelings don’t override what Scripture says - go make amends (Matthew 5:22-24). The outcome of reconciliation are two people growing in their faith and growing in their relationship with one another. Reconciliation teaches us we are not always right, and how to effectively communicate and forgive. We need all of these skills to be more like Christ.
Offer Forgiveness
Holding onto resentments and hurts as an adult can come very easily. Unlike children, we aren’t always forced to interact with those we dislike. Sometimes we can avoid them altogether. While avoiding people can be for the best in the most extreme situations, many of us choose avoidance when we could choose forgiveness.
We fear that forgiveness opens up the door to being hurt again, or that forgiveness gives them power over us. God commands forgiveness, that is, if we want Him to forgive us. Furthermore, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Sometimes boundaries are necessary to keep a relationship going, if it continues at all. Regardless, forgiveness is what we ought to choose.
Pursue Wisdom
We don’t know all there is to know about fostering and maintaining great relationships. We’re broken. However, if we’re open to learning, then what we don’t know now, we can come to learn with time and effort. By pursuing wisdom, we open ourselves up to learning from God, and from others, and can use what we learn to improve our own character. With every improvement, our relationships benefit. And as those relationships benefit, the brokenness becomes less severe. Don’t expect brokenness to be fixed overnight. The bigger the problem, the more time needed to heal or reconcile. But time doesn’t matter when the focus of our lives is living like Jesus.
Further Reading (and Listening):
- “You Say” by Lauren Daigle
- “It’s Been so Long” by Marvin Winans & The Perfected Praise Choir
- Romans 12:15
- Psalm 90:12
- Romans 8:28
- Matthew 6:14-15
- Jeremiah 29:11
- Revelation 21:4
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images-Monkey Business Images
Get in touch with him at aarondanthony.com and check out his debut short story anthology Honey Dreams on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Check out fantastic resources on Faith, Family, and Fun at Crosswalk.com!
Related Resource: How Habit Stacking Will Help You Discipline Your Mind, Body, & Spirit
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