Overcoming the Fear of Rejection
By: Jennifer Slattery
Bible Reading:
The Jews then responded to him, “What sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?” Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.” They replied, “It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?” But the temple he had spoken of was his body. After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken. Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Festival, many people saw the signs he was performing and believed in his name. 24 But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about humankind, for he knew what was in each person. John 2:18-25 (NIV)
The more someone else’s praise can lift you up, the more their criticism can tear you down. If you grew up in a critical home, you probably know the truth of that statement from experience. Perhaps you’ve felt the emotional high of feeling like you made an often emotionally unavailable parent proud and the grief that flooded your soul when they suddenly, without clear provocation, rejected you through harsh words or relational withdrawal. Or you’re enduring a lonely and unstable marriage where your longing for love and connection has caused you to grasp at the slightest display of affection. Or you frequently feel excluded in your social circle, judged in your faith community, or belittled in a toxic work environment.
Those circumstances can exacerbate our unhealed wounds and the lies our enemy, the devil, often attaches to them. I found today's passage intriguing in my long-standing battle against shame and the fear of rejection it triggered.
This occurred at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry and following His first recorded miracle at a wedding in Cana. Directly following, Jesus went to Jerusalem for Passover. At the Temple, He saw merchants and money changers clogging the one area permitted to Gentiles. In other words, they were limiting non-Jews’ access to God. In response, Jesus cleared the courts and overturned the tables.
And the Jews responded to Him by demanding a sign, in essence, saying, “Who do You think You are?”
And thus, opposition between Him and the religious power players of His day began. But He also drew the admiration of the crowd.
Here, we see adoration, animosity, respect and disdain, belief and rejection. And it is following this significant contrast that we read, in verses 24-25, “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person” (NIV).
Notice that Scripture doesn’t say He wouldn’t love these people. Nor is this passage speaking of relationship. He knew what was in the heart of each of His disciples and that they’d abandon Him in His darkest hour, yet He intentionally built a deep connection with them.
He loved deeply, freely, and unconditionally those who accepted His message and those who relentlessly sought to discredit Him and trip Him up. But He didn’t entrust Himself to them. Instead, He entrusted Himself to the Father, Who He knew would never leave (John 16:32).
His constant and unbreakable union with God the Father and the Holy Spirit enabled Him to love others well, from a place of wholeness and confidence, not insecurity or fear.
Jesus recognized the brokenness people carry. He saw every wounded, prideful, selfish, and deceived heart and humanity’s tendency to choose self-preservation, or elevation, over love. However, this supernatural, soul-deep knowledge didn’t provoke Him to judgment. Instead, it initiated a mercy and compassion that, ultimately, drew Him to the cross.
I’m reminded of His words to the disciples in Matthew 26:41, when He said, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Consider also His prayer for His executioners and the hateful crowd who’d previously chanted for His death. As He hung on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Again, Jesus loved everyone, including those who proclaimed His praises on Palm Sunday and chanted for His death less than a week later. He could do so because of His relationship with the Father, and He didn’t entrust Himself to His flawed creation. In other words, He didn’t base His worth or identity on their subjective and obviously fickle opinions.
Intersecting Life and Faith
That is the soul-state the Lord longs for us each to experience. He wants us to live so anchored in His love and grace, so secure in who we are to Him and Him, that we cease attaching our worth to the perspectives and behaviors of others.
This inner transformation and strength won’t come quickly for many of us. But as we grow in our relationship with Christ and follow His lead moment by moment, day by day, and hurt by hurt, He frees us from those things, like fear of rejection, that hold us in bondage.
Further reading:
Ephesians 1
Romans 8:37-39
Hebrews 13:5
Jeremiah 31:3
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Tamer Dagas
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
Check out fantastic resources on Faith, Family, and Fun at Crosswalk.com!
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