One Never-Fail Strategy for Tough Relationships
By Kelly Balarie
“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11 ESV
I knew the person was baiting me into an argument. How was I supposed to stay calm, cool, and collected when they were attacking me like a bull in an arena?
“You need help!”
“You have problems.”
“Everyone is upset at you!”
Ahh!! With statements like these flying in my face, how could I not defend myself? How could I not get riled up? Arrows were flying a mile a minute. I didn’t know what to think or what to do in the midst of this verbal onslaught.
I remained cool under pressure for a time, thinking of the various times that Jesus was attacked, yet said nothing…until the point that my mouth unloaded. I told the person everything they did wrong.
So much for grace!
Despite every impulse of the Holy Spirit within me, telling me to hold my own, I, too, reacted in anger, rather than responding in love. The second the words were out of my mouth; I knew I’d come to regret them.
And I did. Later, I rehashed every word spoken.
Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
How do we actually see this verse through when in the moment all we see is red?
It’s not easy. But, I am rediscovering that one (almost) never fail way – is to take your time. Wisdom is not rushed. It is never pressured. It always patient and thoughtful.
For me, this looks like not being baited by attacking words. While they may be coming at me like arrows in the night, I can respond by saying, “Thank you for sharing. I’d really like to take some time to process what you have to say. Can we come back together when we are both calm? Let me take two hours to think about this.”
During that time, I can pray, read God’s Word, and think through what was brought up. I can consider how Jesus acted. I can understand where their condemnation may be coming from. I can position my heart to be humble and kind.
Have you ever noticed how wise people are slow to speak? Wisdom doesn’t rush to conclusions and reactions.
We never have to be pressured to respond. Love sets boundaries so it remains love (and doesn’t end up turning into wrath).
Intersecting Faith & Life:
What triggers you to react rashly? How might Jesus call you to respond differently? What wrong beliefs, assumptions or lies may be under your response? How might it benefit you to keep no record of wrongs? Perhaps, take a moment to pray that God would show you His heart for that person when the going gets tough.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio
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