What to Do When Friendships Need Repair
By Laura Bailey
Bible Reading
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
“I just don’t know if it is worth being her friend!” my daughter pronounced as she sat, arms crossed, lips pouting. I used to think that nothing could be worse than a baby who wouldn’t sleep. Now, mothering a tween, I long for the days when a bottle and midnight rock would fix all her problems.
We’d been navigating the deep waters of female adolescent friendships, where one day, the seas were friendly, and the next, the waves threatened to overtake you completely—this particular week had been unusually tumultuous, with gusts of teenage hormones shifting the winds of friendships this way and that. I couldn’t remember who was mad at whom, which girls were enemies and which were foes, and who held the current best friend title. I was exhausted just listening to the daily playground drama; my daughter and the other girls had to experience some anxiety and stress over the situation.
I understood that it was normal for girls to experience trials in their friendships. Luckily, for the most part, my adult friendships were void of drama. Still, I knew plenty of grown women who took social media, shared “prayer requests,” or openly criticized others. Relationships are complicated, no matter what stage of life. And yes, there may be a time when we need to set healthy boundaries or perhaps even cut ties with toxic people. But I would argue that is the exception, not the norm. Instead of just erasing people, we must learn to get along, look past our differences, shortcomings, and betrayals, and forgive and choose to love. Why? Because God created us to be in community with one another, we weren’t meant to go through life alone.
In speaking with my daughter about her current scuffle, I shared with her Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” These verses are well-known for many of us who have grown up in church. They are often recited at weddings, penned in cards among friends, and used to advocate the importance of friendship. And while these verses are meant to encourage us in the ways previously listed, there is also a deeper admonishment to Solomon’s words.
We go back and think about the creation story found in Genesis. God creates Adam and then creates Eve as “it is not good for man to be alone so that I will make a helper for him (Genesis 2:18).” What I love about these verses is that God doesn’t give additional qualifiers. He doesn’t say, “It’s better to be with other people, only if they act like you, and you all never argue.” God just tells us that having a helper, companionship, and community is better, even if that means we must learn to get along and accept people who test our limits.
It’s easy for us to point out all the things others do that hurt our feelings or areas they can improve on, yet we are reluctant to ask ourselves if there is something we could do to improve the relationship. I’ve been in my daughter’s shoes, wanting to ignore or completely cut them out of my life, the person I struggled to get along with. But, truthfully, if I did that to every person that frustrated me, I wouldn’t have many friends, a sentiment I shared with my daughter that day.
In relationships, we must learn to whole-heartedly abide by the greatest commandment, “to love others as ourselves.” It is impossible to do in our strength, but those of us in Christ have the help of the Holy Spirit, and when we surrender to His guidance, our lives begin to display the fruit of the spirit in our friendships. Life is better with friends; we were made to fellowship, bear each other burdens, encourage, rejoice, weep, and pray for one another. Relationships are messy, but they are worth it, even if that means you have to do a little heart cleaning to maintain them from time to time.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
As you read today’s devotional, was there a relationship that came to mind that needed repair? Ask the Lord to help you as you work towards reconciliation and restoration.
Further Reading:
Galatians 6:2
Ephesians 4:32
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
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