Is Unforgivenss Evidence of Unbelief?
By Lynette Kittle
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” - Matthew 6:15
There are some pretty strong words written in Scripture concerning unforgiveness. Many of us don’t want to consider how our sins being forgiven might be related to our forgiving others. We like to believe God forgives us regardless, whether we choose to forgive others or not.
We don’t want to deal with the possibility that an unforgiving heart might be able to hinder the forgiveness we receive ourselves. Most of us want to just sweep these verses under the rug, convincing ourselves we’re unconditionally forgiven by God.
Sadly, unforgiveness is widely accepted in the world and sometimes even unknowingly supported in various Christian communities. Maybe people aren’t seeing it this way but the whole concept of rejecting “toxic” people focuses on unforgiveness rather than redemption and reconciliation.
2 Corinthians 5:17-19 explains, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”
If God didn’t love toxic people, then Jesus wouldn’t have come to earth because sin makes us all toxic until we receive God’s forgiveness through Jesus Christ’s death on the cross.
Toxic Unforgiveness
Because Scripture addresses the issue of forgiveness in very specific ways, unforgiveness is extremely toxic in the life of a believer, maybe even an indicator and evidence of unbelief. As it goes, unforgiveness in a Christian’s life is unacceptable because we have been forgiven by God. In receiving His forgiveness, God asks us to surrender our right to be unforgiving towards others. Maybe it hasn’t ever been explained to most of us in this way, but in receiving His forgiveness, we give up our right to be unforgiving towards others.
As Mark 11:26 points out, unforgivenss in our lives hinders our receiving God’s forgiveness, explaining “But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Although most of us believe being unforgiving punishes the other person, it really hurts and eats away at us. We are the ones who truly suffer the toxicity of unforgiveness.
Signs of Unforgiveness
Often we believe we have forgiven others but in asking ourselves a few questions can help reveal if our hearts have truly forgiven others. Questions such as do we remember every sin others have committed against us and can list them when triggered? Wives are often notorious for saying they forgive their husbands until he does something more that upsets them, triggering all his past sins to flood their minds and thinking.
As well, are we purposefully withholding things from others who have hurt us, like ignoring them, or leaving them out our plans by not inviting them to family gatherings and events, or by keeping beneficial information from them? Likewise, do we slander them to others? Maybe we don’t see it as slander but justify it as a warning or making others aware of their failings, recounting their past failures under the guise of protecting others from being hurt.
Finding Freedom in Forgiveness
Practicing forgiveness in our lives is vital to our relationship with God. It helps to measure our faith in Him. Matthew 6:14 describes, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Forgiveness is a daily and ongoing choice. In life, there are times when things will surprise us, catching us off guard, with the purpose of stirring up unforgiveness in us. So, we want to be prepared in advance to dismantle and prevent it from roaring its ugly head in our lives. We can do this by keeping God’s forgiveness forefront in our hearts and minds.
Intersecting Faith and Life:
Is there anyone you need to forgive? Ask God to examine your heart and reveal any lingering unforgiveness, especially any you may unknowingly be harboring towards someone else. If so, seek to receive God’s forgiveness for it and ask Him to help you forgive as He forgives us.
Further Reading:
A Prayer to God for Forgiving Others
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
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