How to Stop People Pleasing
By Kelly Balarie
Bible Reading
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10 NIV
Praying in agreement, I said, “Oh, yes, I completely agree.”
Yet, a nudge hit my heart. Did I really agree with everything this person was praying? Certainly, I was saying yes but, absolutely, I was feeling a red-flag no on the inside. Something was not right. I ignored it and kept praying with the lady anyway….
More details of what this person wanted -- was said after prayer. Something still didn’t feel right.
“Oh, ya, I see what you’re saying!” I replied to the person.
But, did I? Was I really seeing the way they did or was I just pretending I did? I didn’t fully agree with everything being said. Yet, I was afraid to say this truth. I also wasn’t so sure this was the time nor the place to get into a whole detailed, long conversation as to why I thought differently. I didn’t want conflict; I wanted to keep peace. I like peace. I like people liking me too.
Just let it go, Kelly.
So, I did. I let it go time and time again. Until the day came when this person made a decision that impacted me in a big way. Then, I flew off the handle at them. Why? Because I wasn’t sure I could trust their motives anymore. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself anymore with them.
Yet, they never knew all of this. For a long time, I hid my truth. So, they never knew I had a single issue with them until that very day came. Why? Because I was never honest. I wasn’t honest with them or myself. I kept excusing, rationalizing, and negating away the hard conversation. In this, I lied.
People pleasing and pandering to people is a form of dishonesty.
We may say, “Oh yeah,” “That makes sense,” “Right,” and “I agree,” but do we really? We may nod our heads, but what is God saying?
It hurts to write this, because often people pleasers, like me, are so used to doing these things that it doesn’t seem wrong. It seems nice and kind.
How does God see this behavior?
In Galatians 1:10, Paul says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
This verse strikes home. We cannot rightly love God when we are pleasing people. There are mixed motives involved here. There are competing loyalties. There are divided interests.
God wants all our hearts.
With this, my people pleasing heart is convicted. So, I go through the process that releases and changes everything. I say, “God, I am sorry. I am guilty of lying, hiding, excusing, and not serving you, first and foremost. Will you forgive me?” Then, I forgive myself and receive His grace.
Moving forward, I remember:
- My job is to please God above pleasing man.
- I can pray and ask God for wisdom that He will supply for hard conversations.
- I want to keep my conscience clear, so truthfulness is of vital importance.
God has ample grace that will empower me in honesty. He will empower you, too!
Intersecting Faith & Life:
Do you want to be liked by people? Is it hard for you to say no or to speak the truth? Do you want to be accepted by man more than you think upon how you are already accepted by God? What would it look like for you to dwell on the truth that God already accepts you and loves you? How can you remember this in the heat of hard situations and conversations?
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