How to Stay Calm Under Verbal Attack
By Kelly Balarie
Bible Reading:
“Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” – Proverbs 13:10 NIV
Just because it can be said, doesn’t mean it should be said.
Friends, in my mind, I know this statement is true, but it is a whole other thing to live it out in the heat of strained relationships. In the pressure-cooker of an argument, when tempers are flaring, when someone is accusing, when hearts are racing, when undue criticisms are coming – it’s hard not to give full vent to anger.
They have it all wrong, after all. They are misunderstanding everything. They are doing the very thing they accuse others of. It is easy to get pulled into the fight…
But how do we not get baited?
How do we stay calm, when at one sound, every weapon of verbal war is being unleashed against us? How do we stay at peace, when offense, accusation, and lies are spewed against us? How do we defend ourselves without being just as guilty of condemnation-filled words?
First, it is wise to admit that staying above the fray is not easy. It’s a gargantuan task. This is why prayer is absolutely required. Ask God for extra grace. Ask God for self-control.
Second, humility is mandatory. It is the antidote to arguments.
“Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” (Prov. 13:10 NIV)
When things do not go well in arguments, my primary issue is: pride.
Pride says:
“They have it all wrong.”
“I’m right.”
“I must defend myself.”
“I need to help them see the right way.”
“I am being mistreated and I need to stand up for myself.”
“I have to teach them.”
“If I don’t tell them, they don’t learn, they will always do this.”
Do you notice all the I-statements in that list above?
“Where there is strife, there is pride…”
The 7-words in this verse are words to memorize. They are a call to humility that may use no voice during an argument.
You know, Jesus didn’t always stand up for himself when He could have. At times, He used silence, trusting God to defend Him.
When questioned by the high priests during Jesus’ trial, Jesus gave no defense. If He didn’t, why do we feel we must?
“Even so, the quiet words of a wise person are better than the shouts of a foolish king.” (Eccl. 10:17 NLT)
Often, great wisdom stays completely quiet up to the point it can release wisdom quietly and with great love, thereby side-stepping foolery. Wisdom also understands that verbal attacks say more about the person releasing them, than anyone else. They bear up under those who are struggling with patience.
An attacker is someone, perhaps, in need of ministry, but absolutely in need of prayer.
When we avoid taking things personally, we start to make great strides spiritually. In this, we can more easily choose to not say everything we think we should. And, when we say less, people start to listen more.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
What baits you into arguments? Is it when someone unduly accuses you? Is it when you are misunderstood? How might God be calling you to let go of your personal defense? How might you trust God to stand up for you? How might you more effectively let what others say roll off your shoulders? Remember: God is with you, even in the heat of a hard moment.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/globalmoments
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