Healing from Church Hurt
By Emily Rose Massey
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15-16, ESV).
Last year, one of my closest friends and I began an online support group for women who have escaped false teaching. Once a month, we gather on a video call to share our stories from our former churches, encourage one another in scripture, and pray together. It’s such a wonderful time of fellowship with sisters from all over the country that truly warms my heart.
But on the other hand, I also experience heartache for these women who are trying to navigate this journey of coming out of error and often spiritually abusive situations. Some haven’t attended another church in many years because they are so fearful that they will be hurt again. Church hurt is a real thing. Spiritual manipulation and abuse harm countless people in the church, and the wounds can run quite deep. Although the severity of these harmful and hurtful situations cannot be denied, it is important to speak truth to those who have been hurt by the church- Christ died for His church and He longs for every believer to find their place in His body. The life of the Christian is about growing in Christ together as a body of believers.
The Apostle Paul explains in his letter to the church at Ephesus the function within the body of Christ:
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15-16, ESV).
Intersecting Faith and Life:
Each believer is responsible for the church's growth as a whole, as they depend upon Christ and walk in love with one another. By God’s design, this happens within the context of the gathering of believers in corporate worship (Hebrews 10:25) as well as interacting with each other on a daily basis, as we seek to glorify God and walk out our salvation, growing in Christlikeness day by day. Christ is the One who joins us and holds us together, and He has given us leaders and shepherds to guide us and equip us for the ministry (Ephesians 4:11) to see the Kingdom of God advanced in the earth. We cannot do this solo or in isolation; We need accountability; We need community. Just like the human body functions, each member in the body serves a specific purpose with their unique gifting to operate properly, all for the glory of God. We need to have consistent interaction with an overseer who has been gifted and trained to edify. It is for our good to have a shepherd who will give an account for how he cared for the souls the Lord entrusted to him. I say this in love, your favorite pastor/preacher on YouTube will never be your pastor! We can definitely glean and learn from teaching online, but that person will never be able to counsel you when your marriage is falling apart or pray for you when you are wrestling with a particular sin. The same can be said regarding other brothers and sisters the Lord has placed around you. Christianity is about intentional relationships- vertical and horizontal.
If you have experienced church hurt and are struggling with committing to a local church, what is the one thing that is holding you back? We can trust that the Lord’s ways are better than our own, and His ways are that we become joined together in a body of believers. Just like other types of pain and wounds we experience in life, we must surrender it all to Christ; He will bring healing to your heart as you yield to Him, and He will often use His body to bring about that healing as we grow together. We must shake off self-preservation and fear and trust the Lord wants to challenge us when others are watching. Our self-centered heart or past hurt can often get in the way and can lead us to isolate and choose selfishness over investing in meaningful involvement and commitment within the local church. We must press past these temptations to build up walls around our heart or seek only things that satisfy self. Healing awaits you as you make yourself vulnerable to other believers and become fitly joined and connected to the body, just as the Lord designed.
Further Reading:
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