Growing Intimacy in Your Relationships
By Amanda Idleman
"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." - Psalm 63:1-3
Intimacy is something that each of our souls deeply desires. Intimacy is defined as close familiarity or friendship; closeness. Intimacy in marriage includes physical acts of intimacy, but we yearn for intimacy in every close relationship we have in our lives. Our longing for closeness is a part of our design. In Psalm 63 it is articulated this way, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” We long to be close to our maker! We are created for relationships.
Yet, we all know how difficult it is to create safe spaces for true intimacy in our lives. Humans are imperfect, and we so easily hurt each other. Hurt, disappointment, insecurity, and grief lead to walls going up in our hearts. Only God is made of perfect love that we can trust with our whole hearts. Nonetheless, we need each other and can’t give up on the work of tearing down the walls and trying again to build safe, long-lasting, and close relationships.
Intimacy requires a commitment to forgiveness.
Intimacy requires a radical commitment to forgiveness. Please note that forgiveness does not mean you are called to remain present in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Forgiveness is a daily requirement to remain close to other very flawed humans. Guess what, you need to be forgiven that much too because you bring just as much selfishness and brokenessnes to your home each day too! It is so easy to see the ways my husband lacks empathy, love, and kindness, but while I’m worried about pointing out his failures, what plank am I missing that is in my own eye? I have to lay down my right to be right if I want to feel close to this man and embrace a life of radical forgiveness.
Unity is the foundation to an intimate relationship.
1 Corinthians 1:10 instructs, “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.” God tells us that we are to interact with our brothers and sisters in Christ with a heart that seeks unity. He likens us to a body, each of us different in our skills, gifts, and uses but we all work together towards one mission which is to keep the body alive! We do not have to see eye-to-eye on every issue in our relationships to live in unity, but we do have to be humble enough not to let divisions grow among us.
Intimacy is built when we spend quality time together.
Building intimacy requires time spent sharing the same space with open ears and having an open heart ready to connect. One tip for time together is to commit to making some of this time screen-free time. When we want to really hear our spouse, friends, family members, or children’s hearts, we have to remove distractions such as our phones so we can fully engage. We grow closer in our relationships when we are intentional about being present with each other when we interact.
Intersecting Faith and Life:
What relationships do you feel called to be more intentional about cultivating more intimacy in? What is one way you can push yourself to be more present and available in this relationship this week? Are there things that you need to release to the Lord and forgive before moving forward? Write out a prayer of forgiveness and allow God to start healing the broken relationships in your life.
Further Reading
3 Types of Intimacy in Marriage (and tips for rekindling it!)
4 Things That Improve Intimacy in Marriage
Photo credit: Unsplash/Kelly Sikkema
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