Encouragement to Temper Our Tongues
By Laura Bailey
“The mouths of fools are their ruin; they trap themselves with their lips.” Proverbs 18:7 NLT
As soon as the words spewed out of my mouth, I immediately wished to snatch them from my friend’s ears.
For the past five minutes, I sparred with my conscience, trying to justify speaking words I knew would cause irreparable damage. We were in the middle of a healthy discussion, and with my emotions running hot, I could not tame my temper. My tongue eagerly wagged, ready to strike.
But it’s the truth; it’s not my fault if she isn’t mature enough to hear the facts.
I’ve listened to her defend her stance; it is my right, no, my obligation to share my opinion.
What would it say about me if I let her get the last word? I can’t let her “win.”
The book of Proverbs addresses our words over 30 times, urging us to think before we speak, withhold dialogue that leads to dissension, and flee from conversations of gossip or slander.
Proverbs 11:9 tells us that our words have the power to end friendships, “With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous.”
In Proverbs 11:12, we are encouraged to keep silent rather than say words that offend or harm others, “It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet.”
How we respond to people can cause further damage or help to bring peace; Proverbs 15:1 admonishes, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
Specifically, in Proverbs 18:7, Solomon tells us that our negative words not only wound others but they can cripple our hearts as well. Often, we use our words to inflict harm on others, but the reality is that our speech leads to personal destruction. Proverbs often contrast the difference between wise and foolish men’s actions. The foolish man freely runs his mouth, allowing whatever he thinks or feels to escape his lips. Conversely, the wise man would keep their lips sealed, choosing to pause and think before speaking.
When we ignore the Holy Spirit’s guidance to temper our tongues, it leads to destruction. We believe the lie that there is freedom in unbridled speech, but we find ourselves baited by pride and ensnared in sin’s trap.
For some, tempering our tongues is a life-long battle. I received the “Most Outspoken” award in my senior year in high school. There were over 20 categories, yet my peers, when they thought about the person who unabashedly shared their opinions, never held back their thoughts, and sometimes, could be cruel by just “speaking the truth,” my name came to mind. At the time, I accepted the superlative with great honor, proud that I was known for speaking my mind. Yet, as the Holy Spirit has worked in my life, I learned that being known as the most outspoken person in the room isn’t always good.
My outspokenness over the years has cost me friendships and has been the source of grief in my life. Being a person of deep conviction, one willing to stand up and speak up, is not inherently wrong. But, we should ensure that our heart’s motivations are pure and words are meant to build up or encourage, not put down and discourage. As my sweet husband shared with me numerous times in our first year of marriage, “Just because it’s true, or even if you know everyone else is thinking it, doesn’t mean you have to say it!” I am still learning and thankful that the Holy Spirit continues to work in my life in this area.
Our words have tremendous power, and there are times in our lives when we may need to speak hard truths in our relationships, engage in healthy conflict, or state an unpopular opinion. However, we must examine the motives of our hearts. Daily, we can ask God to provide discernment as we consciously glorify Him in all we say and do.
Intersecting Faith and Life:
Examine your conversations over the past few days. What motives have driven your words? Does your speech point others to God’s truth and His love, or do your words foolishly lead to quarrels and the destruction of relationships? Grab a notecard and write down the verses above. Tuck the card in your Bible or pocketbook or pin it on a bulletin board, giving yourself a visual reminder and encouraging you to temper your tongue.
For Further Reading:
Proverbs 18
The Power of Our Words
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Studio Grand Web
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
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