Addressing Others Out of Love
By Laura Bailey
Bible Reading:
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:3-5 NIV
My stomach was in knots, and my legs shook under the table as I anxiously waited for my friend to join me for coffee. For the last few weeks, I’d been putting off talking with her about something I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to address. The thought of her being offended or hurt had been the source of my delaying this conversation, yet I knew I needed to say something.
Unable to sleep the night before our meeting, I woke up early and began praying for God to confirm that I was doing what He desired, not just what I thought was best.
“Lord, did I hear you wrong? Should I just let this go? I am imperfect; what if she starts calling out my sin?” Maybe I should tell the pastor and let him deal with it?”
In hopes of preparing my heart and better equipping myself for the conversation that awaited me, I searched for verses that speak to judging others, delivering hard truths, and addressing sin in others' lives. The familiar text of Matthew 7:3-5 was one of the first Scriptures that appeared among the results. Growing up in church, I was familiar with this text; I’d heard numerous sermons, Sunday School lessons, and small group devotions on being careful not to judge others.
However, as I read over this familiar passage, the line, “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye,” stood out. Countless times, I’d read these verses and missed the overall message of what Jesus was trying to say to his followers and us today. Jesus is not prohibiting all types of judging. Instead, He is encouraging us to take a look at our hearts' motives before we cast judgment on others.
Righteous judgment is beneficial to believers and a necessary tool to help expose sin, encourage confession, and draw God’s children closer to Him. Unfortunately, like most things, humans take good things and distort them. That’s why we must humbly submit our motives to the Lord before addressing sin in other people’s lives. First, we must confess our shortcomings and waywardness, and second, we must ask that He expose any pridefulness, arrogance, or malice in our desire to correct others. After we ask the Lord to check our motives, aligning our will with His, we can approach our brothers and sisters in Christ. Taking these steps doesn’t ensure our message will be well received, but it gives us confidence in knowing that we acted out of pure intentions, not ill will.
The conversation with my friend that day started tense, with a bit of back and forth followed by a healthy amount of tears. Graciously, the Lord had already been working on her heart, and while my message was unpleasant to receive, she knew she needed to hear it. As we parted that day, I let her know that I loved her; I hoped she could put this behind her and flourish in the way God desired.
Many years have passed since that day, and I am happy to report our friendship withstood the confrontation. I know, through experience, that not all tough conversations have the same outcome. There are broken relationships resulting from sharing something we felt the Holy Spirit lay on our hearts. Like the prophets of the Old Testament who often shared hard-to-hear truth, the message may not always be accepted, but we cling to the hope that it could be the reason someone turns to God.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
Is there someone you feel God has placed on your heart to deliver a “hard truth?” Pray today that the Lord will guide you as you examine your heart’s motives and give you the strength to speak truth into their life.
Further Reading:
Matthew 18:15-20
Galatians 6:1
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/evgenyatamanenko
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
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